I think you should try to make the recent parts more extensive (at least the first one). It seems a bit abrupt to me. Also, shouldn't Bobby Blubberstein be a bit more inquisitive even as he goes to war, to support the title? :P
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I think you should try to make the recent parts more extensive (at least the first one). It seems a bit abrupt to me. Also, shouldn't Bobby Blubberstein be a bit more inquisitive even as he goes to war, to support the title? :P