I think you should try to make the recent parts more extensive (at least the first one). It seems a bit abrupt to me. Also, shouldn't Bobby Blubberstein be a bit more inquisitive even as he goes to war, to support the title? :P
I think you should try to make the recent parts more extensive (at least the first one). It seems a bit abrupt to me. Also, shouldn't Bobby Blubberstein be a bit more inquisitive even as he goes to war, to support the title? :P