Board Thread:General Discussion/@comment-28545920-20160724205451/@comment-28545852-20160902034711

WIZ! 

As you know, I am (infrequently and imperfectly) reposting P.D.... 

And I have reached one of your Chapters, "Doom"  In it, you write Matthias as with a bit of attitude. I was wondering if you'd like to repost it, or give me permission, to edit it to include references to "Rise of the Traitor"??? 

I only ask, because I see an opportunity. Nothing more. Take these chances, for example:

“What happened?” asked the king worried.

“Some Knights just came bringing a very important prisoner, your Majesty!” the guard responded.

“Who is the prisoner?” Mattias kept asking to learn the whole story.

“Lord Vladek, your Majesty!” the guard replied.

“LORD VLADEK! And what do you wait?! Put him in the worst cage we have!” Mattias answered with mixed feelings of joy and anger.

“Yes, your Majesty!!!” said the guard and left.

The people started discussing about this, but the king requested silence to listen to the rest of the “reports”. Yet, not much time had passed until another man came. This time he was no guard, but actually a soldier.

“Who are you?” the king asked with concern.

“Nuncius, your Majesty! From the sixth battalion of the North, your Majesty!” the soldier responded.

“And why are you here?” Mattias inquired.

“They sent me as a messenger, your Majesty!” the soldier replied.

“Don’t they have any carrier pigeons in the North?” the king wondered out loud.

“They were scared away, your Majesty!”

“By whom? Tell me your message!”

“By the Aquilones, your Majesty! They crossed the northern borders and crashed our army there! People are in panic! They’ve sent me to ask you what to do, your Majesty!”

“THE AQUILONES!!! WE HAD A PACT OF NOT ATTACKING EACH OTHER!!! Leave! All of you! This needs thinking!”...

[......]

“WHAAAAAT???!!!” King Mattias shouted “WHAT THE BRICK COULD THAT BRICKY VLADEK WANT ME FOR???!!!”

        The guards, shocked by the so inappropriate for a king expressions, didn’t answer immediately.

        “We don’t know, your Majesty! He just asked to meet you, your Majesty!” said the guard that was on the front.

        “Lead me to him!” the king ordered regaining his composure.

        They left the Throne Hall and after walking through many hallways, they reached the dungeons of the castle. There, in the deepest in the earth cell Vladek was waiting.

        “Hello, my Lord! I was expecting you!” he said.

        “What do you want Vladek?!” Mattias inquired impatiently.

        “Why are you so angry, your Majesty?!” responded Vladek pretending to be insulted “I just want to help you!”

        “Yeah, right! Some days ago you wanted to destroy us and now you want to help! For some reason I don’t believe you!” Mattias told him.

        “Your Majesty, after being beaten by your army, I realized that you are the greatest King! And I know that when you find the greatest King you must truckle to him” Vladek explained.

        “I had enough of this nonsense! I am leaving!” exclaimed the king angrily.

        “That’s a shame! And I was ready to offer you help with the Aquilones!” said Vladek smiling.

        The King stopped and turned around.                      

        “What do you know about that?” asked the King surprised.

        “Everything! The news are spreading fast even in prison!” Vladek answered self-complacently.

        The king didn’t say anything, but didn’t leave either. He was very surprised, but also curious. Since Mattias wasn’t speaking Vladek talked:

        “You mustn’t wait them to come here and siege your castle. It has been very weakened by all these battles and they will get in, before you realize it. You must go to open battle against them. That will surprise them and you will give them a lesson. They must pay for what they did!” Vladek said.

        “That’s enough Vladek. You can’t deceive me! And I thought for one second you might actually propose something that would help!” the King said and left. However, Vladek smiled evilly and the words of the King did not disappoint him.

        However, the words of Vladek kept bothering the King’s mind for much until he told to one of his generals:

        “GeneralDux! Prepare the army for battle. They will ride to the North!”

        “Your Majesty, surely you don’t trust Lord Vladek!” the general asked.

        “Of course not, Dux! But his words had some truth in them. We must teach Aquilones a lesson!”

        “But in that way we’ll leave the castle without army!”

        “General, you’ve heard of the victory of the Knights of the Olde Speech against thedude two days ago! Thedude is probably smashed and even if his army keeps working without him, they need many days to gather again and even more days to find the courage to attack again”

        “But-”

        “I want no buts! Just do this!”…

- - - - - - - - - - 

I see a great chance to improve the writing.  Let me know if you feel the same. Or perhaps it should stay the way it is, to preserve the roots.  I can respect that too. Anyone?