As you know I'll be replying to the ones I see fit to reply.
Concerning the paragraph about school and apprenticeship: One master <--> one apprentice (usually) and the paragraph is not narrated by Deofan. It has not quotation marks. Sorry for the confusion.
Concerning the quotes: Yeah, I understand I've been doing this wrong for a long time. I don't know why I thought no period was correct, but I'm not sure anyone told me of this rule before, so I might have an excuse. Curiously, according to some Internet-ers (and I understand this information is not necessarily valid) it is the British way to have the periods and commas outsides the quotes, while the American way has them inside the quotes! :P
The it/he thing troubled me a lot. Because I did not feel he is correct for Mythrans, while it seems just wrong (especially for Malfros). If I said they it would be very confusing and there's no way any respectable author would say he/she.
I am glad that you find my battle epic, because I was very anxioud about it! :D
You should consider that the heroes of this story have just learnt that almost all Figorani have been smashed or captured. That is loss enough without considering that the Mythrans might already know about Kingston's and the other Figorani's Crux lands' destruction.
Maybe plates would be better? This is a reference to Rise of thedude, where thedude frees the Red Mythrans from the very same cube.
Yorkanton's hesitation amounts to the fact that he knows the danger of his idea. He doesn't even know if he will survive using the crystal, while it could leave a curse on him or anything.
The second ellipsis (is that really how it's called in english? :P) is used, because Yorkanton is in pain and has difficulty speaking. The exclamation mark is due to my overuse of question marks. If you notice my sentences I use them very often, though I try to keep it down when writing stories.
Actually, it doesn't explain how Wiz got to Crux Prime. At the time you are speaking of, Wiz had never visited Militiregnum. Castellar Regnum or Castle Kingdom, the land Wiz comes from, is on Crux. I know it might be confusing to have another medieval place, but I always considered Crux to have a bit of everything. Also, Castle Kingdom is another stolen idea from the Story of a Minifigure, where there is no Militiregnum. Shadow's transportation will be better explained in the AM I'm currently writing, but it has already been mentioned as temporal dislocation.
Actually, Nirwella speaks of how the Red Mythrans destroyed the last Figorani. Though, technically, it could be someone different to the Red Mythrans, since no name is mentioned. But I still think it would probably be Malrithen.
There actually was only one name beginning with Fig (Figroth). The other three were word (Figoranos= Imagination Human; Figgan= Builder; Figrith= Spirit/Lord of Imagination). There's also Findros, but that begins with Fin. Oh, wait! There's also Figelus. That's also a name! :P The reason Fig is repeated so much is because according to my First Builders' Language, Figor means Imagination, Imagination being one of the most important things for the First Builders. This also gives a different meaning to the word minifigure, which according to the Story of a Minifigure is a corrupted word for Mininfigor, which means Touched by Imagination.
There is a textbook (which I use to make notes on my stories when I rarely do such a thing :P) in which I've written several Figoranos words. Maybe I could post it some time. For instance, elor is light (so Figelus is the Creator of Light or Creator with Light, Enlightened Creator etc.; it is uncertain what the original meaning was, but it came to mean all of them) and nalor is darkness.
Anyway, thanks for all the feedback and thanks for the time you dedicated to this. I will edit the story soon and then post it. Then, comes the next story!