Hello fellas!Â
All off the short stories coming out have been really awesome. I love reading them all. (Even 'Routine', Harold. :P )
Unrelated, and yet sortof related, I was cleaning my computer the other day, and came across a file called "9-17-15 Writing Dump."
It's got a few scrapped Ideas from when I was first writing To Return Home...
And it has a second part to the Insane Blatherings. MWAHAHAHAHA!
Insane Batherings Continued!
https://youtu.be/eryq3HxbGvM - We go now, to a alternate timeline, where, if you remember from the Original Insane Blatherings, the Noodle Brothers and Dorothy the Fish showed up at the Richarson's Homestead. In this scenario, there is a quick tussle at the front door, perhaps much like in the Original, but without Dorothy or her fishbowl becoming a casuality. The Noodle brothers clearly lose and They surrender, and are brought into the house for answers....But the Noodle brothers are Mute... Sooo...
"So," said Peregrine, "why were you guys here at the front door anyways?"
The two Noodle brothers lightened up at the change of topic, and animatedly began to make extravagant motions. When they noticed that all they were getting in return were vacant stares, the Brothers switched gears, and instead began sifting through each others pockets.
They immediately covered the immediate area in papers, which, when Stirling inspected one, found it to be a doodle of Mr. Noodle. Which Noodle, he couldn't tell.
Another was a doodle of a poodle,Â
Yet another was a doodle of a bowl of noodles.
Still another was a doodle of the type of noodle you think with.
A very interesting one was a doodle of a poodle called Tootle with a noodle in its nose
Effectively, the place was covered in oodles of doodles by Mr Noodle and Mr Noodles brother, Mr Noodle.
Finally, Mr Noodle triumphantly handed Stirling a important looking paper. Stirling read aloud.
"One iced tea, 1.25 One Yakisoba 5.95, One Spicey Indian Noodles Bowl, 6 dolla- this is a Master Chen's Noodle House receipt!!! Where are your orders?
The Noodle brothers made a big show of apologies, confusion, finger pointing and a fabulous slapfest, then proceeded with more doodle diving.
Peragrine cauft a doodle of Mr Noodle with a tattoo  of a cockatoo doing Kung fu with bamboo.
Stirling acquired a doodle signd by Mr noodle, which depicted a Labrodoodle sharing Noodle with a poodle at a place called 'The Foodle'.Â
"Where on Crux is - never mind."
Finally, Mr Noodle's Brother snatched at one he had just tossed, and proffered the slip to Peragrine.
"Oh. Its a Google search results. For... your credit card number. Says it ends in 2176. Dat' true?
"Gimme that!"Â
"That's a yes. " laughed Peragrine good naturedly as Stirling grumbled and ripped the paper to shreds.Â
"Orders, now. You atrotious apes... You brainless boufoons. Â You clueless cartoons! You-""
The Noodle brothers were nonplussed. They patted all their pockets. They padded eachothers pockets. They pulled off their sleeves, They double checked their boots... they triple checked their hats. All to no avail.Â
"YOU VOLUMINOUS VAGABONDS!": Stirling was nearing the end of the alphabet ...
You WATERY WIMPS! YOU- "
The word "watery" seemed to jog something in the memory of the Two Noodle brothers, and they pointed fervently to Dorothy, sitting on the shelf nearby.
Dorothy was napping, but seemed to awaken to the feeling of everyone staring. The Noodle brothers made some rapid extravagant motions, then Dorothy nodded, put on some professional-looking glasses, and turned to a filing cabinet that had apparently taken the place of the previous cannon.
"What? How did that get in there?" Muttered Stirling to the Brothers, not expecting a coherent response. Â They simply shruged and gestured to the bowl, as if to say, "That's just what happens."
Dorothy opened a drawer, flipped through it, burbled an "No" and went to the next one... another "No".... Next one, She paused. Then pulled out a sheaf of papers.
She turned back to her audience, ajusted her glasses, and began swimming back to the front, while reading through the papers, burbling to herself. Finding the one she was looking for, Dorothy looked up, cleared her tiny throat, and began to read.
*Burb, Glub gurgle, Dablurb,* Â The Noodle brothers nodded sagely.
*Gurblge glub blub blurb blaurgh glub glug lug ug. bug blug ablug glag-*
Stirling found it nessacary to leave the room, as Peragrine ignited into spontaneous gales of laughter.
Evil Farmer Scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9LYy_Taf3w (This was one of about 3 or 4 re-writes of the crashlanding. In this scene, our Farmer is not the familyman that Mr Richardson is, and actually, looking back, this sounds more like what Theo would write. That is to say, a lot of cool action scenes were lost when I didn't go with this! This would have changed the whole book if I had put the evil forces of thedude on Strider as soon as this... Not to mention, Perry might never have become a Wizard! :O )
Aha!" Hooted Perry, as he brandished a spike hammer at the farmer. He pointed his crossbow at Perry in response, and stopped short about 8 feet away. A tense silence followed. A voice was needed.
"Greetings, good sir! I doth apologizeth for myself and my companion's abrubt intrusion unto thy natural peace! Dost thou forgive us? We would leave thy lands immediately, if indeed these art thy lands, if thou so wisheth it to be so. . .eth?"
"Indeed not!" Grumbled the voice of the farmer, which was amazingly deep, as if he had picked it out of the deepest parts of the earth he daily tilled. "Indeed not! You have made an inexcusable shambling of my western field of pumpkin seedlings!!! The GOUGING of this field's earth that you have done is nigh on irreparible! But not quite. You may yet fix what you have done. But first, I must know your names. Come! Give me yours, and I will give mine."
Stirling, angered at the farmer's high handed words, sputtered a bit, lost for courteous words. Peragrine looked back at the large channel he had made in the soft fields dirt. And now he saw the little bitty seedings, here and there, exposed too soon, and sorrow and regret stung his little innocent childish heart. He spoke.
"Mr. Farmer, Sir! I am Peragrine Wanderthistle, of the Nexus Force, and I am the one who has caused this damage to your field." Peregrine motioned to Stirling who snapped to and motioned Peragrine to stop talking, but Perry ignored him. "My friend here, Stirling Silverstine, is on an important errand, and cannot stay. Neither should he, for he had no part in my piloting the ship into your lands."
Stirling sighed, but said nothing.
"By 'ship' you mean that giant metal egg that is behind you?" The farmer asked.
"Yes." Answered Perry.Â
"And you...drove it... through the air, to land in my field here?"
"Yes. On accident!" Peragrine amended, seeing as how the farmer might think he did it on purpose.
"And you would declare that this is entirely your fault, and this man here has nothing to do with it?"
"Yes."
"Hmm... what did you say your name was?" Asked the gruff farmer to Stirling.
"My name is Strider," said Stirling, unwilling to trust this gruff man just yet.
"Well then: STRIDER! BE OFF! STRIDE! " roared the man, authoritatively.Â
Stirling made no move to leave, and, keeping his eyes on the Farmer, asked Peragrine:
"Are you sure qbout this?"
"Auuummm... no? But I want to help, and if this is how I can, then I will." said Perry, who was quickly becoming wary.
"Go on! MOVE! Before I change muh mind!" The Farmer shouted, less forcefully.
Stirling turned to Perry. "Yes. Well. I think I ougth to make sure you don't get sold into slavery either. That would be a crummy way to give you thanks for getting me here."
"OH." Perry gave a startled glance at the farmer, who also had a startled glance on his face. The larger man quickly covered that esspression though, with another made of outrage, disgust,frustration, and greed, among other things.
"What-a-- who are --- why you --- its a - DONT YOU KNOW ITS LEAGEL TO TRADE SLAVES NOW?!
Now it was Stirling's turn to be shocked. But he too recovered quickly, and he responded in kind:
"UNDER WHOS AUTHORITY!?"
"UNDA' THE AUTHORITA' O' TEH MIGHTY KING'A' TEHDUDE'S!!!"
"BLAST THEDUDE!!! BLAST HIM TO KINGDOM COME!!! BLAST HIM INTO A MILLION PEICES AND SCATTER THEM TO THE WINDS OF ALDERAAN!!!!!!!"
"Wrong theme, Stir," muttered peragrine, to the side.
"I DONT CARE! YOU GET THE POINT!"
The Farmer was appauled. Then he smiled.Â
"Well. Then it would seem that his Majesty's feelings to you are mutual."
Stirling whipped about, raising his Knight's Broadsword to block a as of yet unseen projectile,
...Just in time to stop a laser from one of 3 red and black flying behemoths from slicing him in two!
"What in the name of-yeow!" Said Stirling, as he let go of a cherry red hot Knight's Broadsword.
The Farmer laughed a deep, muddy, maple syrupy laugh, and caroused Stirling, saying:
"Were you going to ask what was that that just beat your antiquated junk? That, tresspasser, is a BARNEYBOT! And the future of morcia!
Just thougth I'd share for laughs and giggles. :P
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