Ironsides

Written by Haroldosaur on 19/08/2016 because I had nothing better to do on a long car journey. :P

It was quite tiresome to be caught before reaching the innermost keep, even though that was technically how the operation was supposed to go. I had manged to get through two walls of security, but it was as I had sprinted through the open courtyard that I had suddenly been pounced upon by a seemingly infinite number of guards. I had intended to put up no fight, but I doubt I would have stood a chance if I had either way. Within moments my scythe had been confiscated, and a pair of too-small-handcuffs had been forced upon my wrists.

Wincing at the memory, I shook said wrists in disdain before turning to the pair of guards laughably dubbed my “escort”. Both of them wore heavy, jet-black armour (complete with flashy red highlights) that must have been a nightmare to move around in, and they smelled desperately overdue for a wash. They wore helmets complete with wide visors, which mean I couldn’t even see their faces. Not that that was much of a problem, but I would have appreciated something interesting to look at. The armour was bland, even with the red highlights, and I wasn’t exactly wowed by the interior decorating of the castle.

Once, perhaps, it might have been a true wonder to behold. But the truth of the matter was the place had apparently fallen into a state of disrepair, with cobwebs and mould clambering all over the paintings and podiums that littered the hallways. The occasional drop of moisture would echo as it hit the floor, providing the only noise aside from the heavy clanking of metal as my guards continued to drag me along through a chain attached to the innermost point of my cuffs.

“This is so stupid.” I muttered to myself, voicing my disdain of the plan that I had been forced to go along with.

“Don’t talk unless you want me to shut you up myself.” One of the guards snapped, his voice echoing inside his helmet.

Big talk for a walking tin can. I’d like to see you get near enough to shut me up, is what my innermost thoughts consisted of. I managed to repress this statement, however, and replaced it with a “Where are you taking me, anyway?”

“The king.” Growled the other lug. “He takes trespassing personally, so he’ll want to speak with you before you’re sentenced.”

“Perfect.” I muttered. “There’s a thing or two I’d like to say to him myself.”

We arrived at a pair of enormous oaken doors, covered with rusted metal engravings and paint that was peeling off even as I watched. One of the guards gave the doors an almighty shove, and the other guard gave ME an almighty pull to get me moving again as we entered.

At the back end of the room was a throne – possibly the only piece of upholstery in the palace not in need of renovation or replacement. It was magnificent, with golden carvings surrounding a sky blue seat and back, the seating area constructed of what I could only assume was fine felt. The rest of the throne might have been covered in magnificent paintings of ducks for all I knew, but that view was obstructed by the man sitting in it. Clad in blue overalls and white underclothing, red cap on blocky head and black eyes boiling with barely restrained rage, TheDude7500 himself fixed me with a stare furious enough to cow a rampaging lion.

To the man’s right stood another figure, equipped with another set of red and black armour. This suit seemed less technology-based, with a medieval breastplate and helmet that enabled me to see the man’s vicious face. What I could see of his hair was black, and he too glared at me – a crimson glare. I couldn’t help but wonder if this world’s inhabitants were normally born with blood red eyes, though this train of thought was derailed as TheDude leaned forward in his stolen throne.

“Hoo r yuu, annd wat ar yoou doo-ing in meh carsle?!” He snapped.

I winced – his grammar was as bad as they said, and I could almost see the misspelling of words in his speech. But there was no time to recoil. I had to stick to the script.

“Oh, great TheDude.” I bowed low, my shadow-coloured cloak fluttering around me as I lowered myself as much as I could whilst still being restrained by the handcuffs. “I have travelled from a faraway land to pledge my allegiance to you.”

There was a pregnant silence.

“yur aleegans?” TheDude eventually echoed, as if still trying to process my statement. I took my chance to continue speaking.

“Your allegiance, my lord!” I confirmed. “I am an assassin, and for many years I have lain low, doing my work. But upon hearing of your magnificent deeds, I knew that it was my destiny to serve you! So I travelled to Morcia-“

“Why did you sneak into Lord TheDude’s castle?” Interjected the other man, not looking nearly as furious as his superior; he was looking at me as if I were some kind of lab specimen that had just done something very unexpected.

“Well, with all due respect sir, I couldn’t exactly go in the conventional way.” I crooned. “Do you believe that your soldiers would let a strange woman, dressed entirely in black, enter the castle, especially if they wanted to see their leader? Better to get myself caught and taken to you, knowing that I would get the chance to speak with you in person.”

“And how were you so sure that you would get a chance to speak to him?” The man continued.

Truth be told, I hadn’t been sure at all. It was a long shot on our part. But these people did not need to know that.

“I’m sure that TheDude would want to deal with any intruders he might face personally, being the courageous and noble soul he is.” The words left me wanting to scrub my tongue, but they seemed to have an effect on TheDude, who leaned back in his chair with eyes that were a lot more relaxed than when I had first entered the room.

“But what if-“ The man continued, only to be silenced by TheDude’s outcry.

“Sighlens, Vladek! Du yah nort theenk I cahn arsk mah own qwestshuns?” He snapped, and Vladek blanched.

“Of course, my lord. I apologize, my lord.” TheDude turned to me.

“eef yuu arr a faymos asaseen, hau cum eye hav never herd of yu?” He inquired. I managed a nonchalant shrug.

“Well, I can’t exactly let anyone stick around to tell the world about me, now can I? I’m an assassin, and I make it my prerogative to leave no witnesses.” I grinned. “However, I assure you that what I do has an effect on the world. Tell me, have you ever heard of a man called, Dante Wilder?”

“No.” Admitted TheDude.

“What about Cadmus Ro’Maeve, or Roseanne Hargrove, or – whatever universal entity you believe in forbid – Kaneli Armithron?”

“I hav not herd ov thees peepl.” Admitted TheDude.

“There is an obvious reason for that, my lord.” I bowed again. “They were targets of mine.”

Vladek raised an eyebrow. TheDude said nothing. I had to make sure that my sales pitch was successful.

“I implore you.” I said, in conclusion. “Take me in. Make me an agent of yours. I want nothing more than to serve the man who rules us all.”

There was another horribly long pause, and I had begun to sweat before TheDude spoke again.

“Iy hhav desyded to highr yu.” He declared. “Yuh ees nuw mah ajent, annd ya will dew eggsactly wat I say. Ees tat cleer?”

“As crystal, my lord.” I bowed again, before looking back up at him. His eyes, lifeless and empty, black as a doll’s eyes, met my own – a vivid, bright silver.

“Releese her!” TheDude commanded, and the guards took the handcuffs off me. My scythe was returned, and I slung it back into its rightful place over my shoulder.

“Thank you.” I stated.

“Wun moor thin.” TheDude declared. “Wut ees yur nayme?”

The words “Talia Rayne” were on my lips, but I hesitated at the last moment. I needed an alias, just to be safe. The only trouble was I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Panicking, I blurted the first word that came into my head.

“Ironsides.” I managed.

“Eye se.” If TheDude was annoyed that I hadn’t given my real name, he didn’t show it. “Gardz, tayke Iwonsids too her qwurters. Twomoroww, she wil bee introdused to teh rest ov mah eeleet ajents.”

The guards saluted, and proceeded to escort me out of the room, leaving me time enough to flash one more fake smile to TheDude and Vladek. Inside, however, I was fuming. In a moment of idiocy, I had chosen a name that I would never be able to positively react to. What kind of suspicion would be garnered if I flinched at my own title?

I had given myself the alias of the man who had killed my father.

**********

My sleep was fitful, with my instincts screaming at me to remain as alert as possible. Everything about the way I was surrounded with enemies triggered my brain into hyperactivity, and kept me awake for much of the night. I was awoken by someone rapping smartly on the door of my room, which was a dinky little space with enough room for a bed, a desk and chair, and an open space for me to walk around, or exercise, or something. Trying to mould my facial expression into one of the utmost calm, I opened my door to see an armoured figure standing before me.

“You have been summoned,” said he, “to TheDude’s strategy room.”

I clapped my hands together. “Great.” I declared. “Where would that be?”

The room itself was a short walk, mere corridors away from where I was stationed. I supposed that it was convenient for TheDude to have his best warriors nearby. That could have very well been convenient for me in the future, so I made a mental note of the fact as I was led into the strategy room.

The place was a lot more formal than I was used too. The only light sources were torches that burnt with an eerie green flame – magic, presumably – and the bricks that made up the area seemed to be a darker shade of grey than the rest of the castle. In the center of the room was a table painted jet black, with a dozen seats around the edge and some kind of projector in the middle. A holographic display, I presumed.

I could hardly say that I was the first person in the room, as there were already a collection of individuals seated around the table. There was a woman wearing long, red and black robes, covered in pendants and amulets and looking at me with a bored expression on her unnaturally beautiful features. Her jet black hair, the same shade as my own, hung over her face, shrouding her emerald green eyes.

Also seated at the table of doom was a man in a blue and black suit of armour, his face completely obscured by his skull-featured helmet. He turned his head to me, and growled threateningly. I growled back.

Next up was a figure – it could have been either a man or a woman – who was wearing almost the same outfit as TheDude, but with a black helmet enclosing their entire head instead of a floppy red cap. I couldn’t describe what their initial thoughts of me were, as I was unable to see their face, but judging by their folded arms it couldn’t have been anything too pleasant.

The man from earlier – Vladek, I remembered – was also seated. He nodded brusquely to me, though I couldn’t understand his message. Approval? Disapproval? I supposed that I would have to wait until later to find out.

A bald man, wearing an enormous suit of technological armour, sat on the far end of the table, looking very sorry for himself. And there was also a man who looked awful – his face was red, his eyebrows were gone and some of his blonde hair was missing, as if someone had set off a flamethrower in his face. I also noticed, with an uncomfortable jolt, that both of his arms appeared to be metal prosthetics. He scowled at me, but I took this with a grain of salt, as he had had a scowl on his face before he had seen me.

I pulled a chair up and sat myself down, ignoring the fact that my appearance had garnered everybody’s attention. I folded my arms, leaned back, and spread my gaze around, silently challenging anyone to question my appearance. Nobody did, and it was a thankfully short time before TheDude arrived.

“Helow, evvrywon.” He rasped. “I ahm her. Sory tat I iz late. Nou we can begn the meetn.” He sat down in the most decorated chair at the head of the table, and looked over everyone in the room. “Iy am afrayed to saa tat noot evryyone culd mak it her toody. Hwevr, enuff ov us r heer four meh to cal tis meetin aneewaay. Frstlee…”

He indicated me with a wave of his fat-fingered hand.

“Tis is Iwonsydes. She is ar neewesst membr, and haz plejed her loyaltee to meh.”

The bald man cleared his throat. “Lord Dude, sir…” he hesitated. “Not that I don’t trust your judgement, but are you sure that this… “Ironsides” woman is truly loyal?”

“Shee haz towled he herr storee, and I thingk it es genyouin. Vlladeck agres wit me.”

All eyes turned to Vladek, who nodded.

“I see no reason to doubt her. They say to never look a gift horse in the mouth, after all. And the fact that she was able to sneak past several layers of defences speaks volume about her skills. She’ll make a welcome addition to our little club, I’m sure.”

“Presyselee.” Declared TheDude. “Yuu wud doo well, comander Borock, to remembeer yur playce. You ar lukee that yu r stil in teh iner sirkl.”

Chastised, Borock lowered his head and said no more.

“In utr nuus, haow gos ar operashions?” TheDude queried, and initiated a conversation amongst the other members. For the most part, I kept silent, answering questions when they were thrown my way. Eventually the meeting ended, and I returned to my room after being told that I would “reseev an asinment son enuff.” When I opened the door, however, what I did not expect to see was Vladek himself standing in front of me.

“You aren’t loyal to TheDude.” He stated.

I was taken aback by his words, and was unable to formulate a protest in the time it took for him to speak again.

“Who are you, and why are you really here? And tell me the truth, unless you want me to call the guards.”

I shut the door behind me, and lowered my head.

“My identity would mean nothing to you.” I told him. “But I was sent here to infiltrate TheDude’s ranks, and act as an information gatherer.”

“Who sent you?”

“My two annoying cousins.”

Vladek raised an eyebrow, and I reckoned that I had barely a moment before his confusion turned to anger. I hastened to explain.

“To be more precise, the group that I’m with. My cousins voted for me to head here, but it was authorised by our leader.”

The questions came thick and fast.

“Who is your leader?”

“You wouldn’t know him.”

“What’s his name?”

“Chase Powers.”

“Is your group associated with the Knights of the Olde Speech?”

“We consider ourselves their allies, but we currently haven’t formed any official association with them.”

“Why do you consider yourselves your allies with them if you haven’t allied yourselves with them?”

“Uh… Chase had dealings with one of their members a while ago. She made him promise to help her out one day, and this is him fulfilling that promise.”

“You say “she”. Is the person she had dealings with the Lady Jonna, by any chance?”

“I… I think so, yeah. That was her name.”

Vladek said nothing. I could see the gears turning in his head, and it was undeniable that he was up to something, but I had no way of telling what he was thinking or what my information meant to him. All I could hope was that he gave me enough time to make a run for it before-

“I see.” Vladek looked into my eyes.

“What are you going to do now?” I challenged him. “Turn me in?”

His answer surprised me, to say the least.

“No.” He replied. “I can’t say I can.”

So baffled I was at his answer, all I could do was answer “eh?” in what I’m sure was a very ineloquent fashion.

“The fact is, my loyalty to TheDude is not ultimate, either.” He hissed. “A connection to the Lady Jonna means that, ultimately, not revealing your intentions could benefit me. Besides, if I want TheDude to fall, I won’t stop his enemies’ information broker.”

He began to walk towards the door, passing me as he did so. I felt his cold breath on the back of my neck, my cloak’s hood being down, and I had to supress a shiver.

“However, there is something I want to make very clear. I have plans of my own, ideas of my own, and I intend to enact them in good time. You are not to hinder or obstruct me in any way. I would appreciate it if you could keep some of his other agents off my back too. And if you are ordered into action by TheDude against my person, you are to belay that order and you are not to attack me. Is that understood?”

Honestly, I understood all too well. It was in our best interests if we kept out of each other’s way, even if we were both working together to overthrow TheDude. Our end goals were doubtlessly supremely different – and conflict was inevitable. But why not prolong the inevitable? Someone I could, in a very loose sense, trust, would be welcome, after all.

“So, I stay out of your way, and you stay out of mine?” I checked.

“Essentially.” He confirmed. I nodded.

“You’ve got yourself a deal. And, if by any chance I am found out, I’d appreciate a warning in advance.”

“It’s all circumstantial, but I suppose your request is not unreasonable.” He opened the door. “If something of the sort happens, I’ll try to send word. Just stick to your end of the deal, Ironsides.”

“If you stick to yours.” I had time to say before Vladek left the room for good, closing the door softly behind him. I exhaled, sinking to my knees in my stinking room. That had been too close a call, and I knew that I would most likely not meet anyone else who would be willing to keep my secret. For a brief moment, I felt despair overwhelming me, but I supressed it. This was my life now, essentially. In this world, I was Ironsides.

All I could do now was watch, and wait… and learn.

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