Cool Events to Check out in Militiregnum

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to the seventeenth annual Tournament of Violence!”

The stadium shook with the roar of the cheering crowd.

“Give it up for the contestants!” The announcer cried exuberantly.

“Grok the Mountain Gnasher! It is said that the loudness of his battle cry alone will shatter your bones!”

A giant of a man walked into the center of the ring with a huge, spiked club, shoulder spikes, and a helmet made out of the skin from the head of some terrifying beast. The beast had tusks which curved around the front of Grok’s face, making it almost look as though Grok himself had tusks.

“The Mysterious Shadow Knight! It is said that his armor is crafted from the souls of those he has killed!”

A man completely clad in armor strode onto stage. Through the openings of his helmet, nothing but darkness could be seen. His armor, which was pitch black, seemed to writhe and swirl as he moved. He had a pitch black sword as well, with a wickedly sharp blade. When he moved his blade, it seemed for a split second as if the blade cut through the fabric of reality itself, revealing nothing but void.

“The Sorcerer of Suffering! It is said that he literally knows every conceivable way to make you suffer!”

A man with sharp features, black hair, and beady eyes walked onto the stage. He had a wizard’s hat on, and held a twisted staff that had a skull at the top of it. The air around transformed into a neon green mist.

“The Grim Archer! It is said he can shoot you in the face from a hundred miles away.”

A figure with a long cloak and a hood pulled up all the way over his head walked on stage.

“The Death Witch! It is said that if you even think about confronting her, then you must have a death wish! (Get it because Death Witch? Death wish?)”

As the crowd laughed at this amazing pun, a woman in long black robes walked onto stage. She held a twisted dagger (it had like a squiggly blade), and her face was covered by a skull mask.

“And this hobo!”

A hobo walked onto stage.

“Enough of the introductions!” the announcer exclaimed “No one came hear to listen to dumb words! They came to see violence!”

Everyone cheered for violence.

“Our first event will pitch our contestants against the gazillion headed hydra of violence!”

At the side of the arena, the gazillion headed hydra of violence burst through the wall sending debris flying everywhere. Unfortunately, the poor hobo was standing right next to the wall when this happened and buried under the wave of crushing debris.

The hydra moved super duper fast. It didn’t slither, but it kinda did that slither motion the way that lizards do where their body goes back and forth in an S shape as they scuttle along. Upon reaching the contestants who were at the center of the arena, the Hydra reared its heads, and then one of the heads shot down and bit off Grok the mountain gnasher’s upper torso and ate him. The gazillion headed hydra heads then began battling the other contestants. One of the heads got bored with the battle, though, and wandered off and ate a few audience members. No one seemed to care about this. The Mysterious Shadow Knight sliced of head after head of the hydra, the Sorcerer of Suffering stretched out his staff and caused unspeakable pain to erupt in the hydra heads, while the Grim Archer ran a hundred miles away and then started shooting the hydra in the face(s).

The Death Witch did not take part in the combat, however. She simply stood behind the fight and breathed in the violence.

Eventually the Sorcerer of Suffering remembered greek legends and set the hydra on fire, ending the battle.

“Well, that ends the battle! It seems we have had our first few casualties!”

The crowed cheered at this.

“Now, the contestants will gather at the center of the arena!”

Each of the remaining contestants gathered into a circle at the center of the arena: The Mysterious Shadow Knight, the Sorcerer of Suffering, the Grim Archer, the Death Witch, and the hobo.

“Wait wait, what?” The announcer called out, confused. “What’s the hobo still doing here? I thought he died off long ago.”

The announcer consulted some papers, shrugged, and said “Well, I guess the guy got lucky since the hydra was distracted by the other contestants. But that won’t happen in the following challenge! Since this challenge is a test of personal skill! Yes that’s right, this is the Get Through a Pit of Deadly Traps of Violence challenge!”

The crowd cheered for violence.

Immediately the ground that the contestants were standing on fell away from underneath him revealing an assortment of spikes, vats of acid, deadly snakes, minefields, and spinning blades! The Sorcerer of Suffering quickly cast a levitation spell, allowing him to float above the deadly traps, and the Death Witch dematerialized into black particles of pure darkness and then rematerialized on one of the few patches of safe ground. The Mysterious Shadow Knight leapt inhuman heights and jumped from pillar of safe ground to pillar of safe ground. The Grim Archer also jumped toward a nearby pillar of safe ground, but he tripped on his long cloak and fell into a pit of snakes.

More and more bits of ground fell away, including former patches of safe ground. Also, random bits of ground began exploding sending debris and knives and bullets flying through the air.

The Mysterious Shadow Knight was battered by various instruments of death on multiple occasions which would have killed anyone else, but the projectiles bounced off of his magic armor. The Sorcerer of Suffering received a few wounds, and barely made it out of there alive, despite his magic levitation spell to help him through. The Death Witch, on the other hand, made it through completely unscathed thanks to her dematerialize into darkness particles ability.

At the end of the challenge, the Mysterious Shadow Knight, the Sorcerer of Suffering, the Death Witch, and the hobo all lined up in preparation for the next challenge.

“This next challenge is to fight the Dragon of Power (and violence!)”

The crowd cheered for violence.

The arena, which was already covered in snake pits and acid pits and spike pits and other sorts of pits, suddenly crumbled away into an dark chasm! The ground of the entire arena fell away into an abyss of darkness. The aid and snake pits fell into this new giant pit, and the contestants fell in as well.

“Yes!” The commentator called out. “The contestants will journey into the bowels of the earth where the dragon abides!”

After a really, really long time of falling, the contestants finally reached solid ground. The Sorcerer of Summoning used his levitation spell to avoid taking fall damage, and the Death Witch achieved the same thing by transforming into particles of darkness. The Mysterious Shadow Knight could not do anything to slow his fall, however, and he slammed into the ground. He got up unharmed, however, thanks to his magic armor. Just as they were getting their bearings, two large, yellow eyes opened up, illuminating the room.

“Who DARES trespass in my abode?” the dragon thundered.

“I do! The Great Sorcerer of Suffering!” The Sorcerer of Suffering called out. “Now experience unimaginable suffering!” the sorcerer cackled, pointing his staff at the dragon. Green light shone out of the eyes and mouth of the skull atop his staff.

The dragon was unfazed.

“I have experienced every possible type of suffering,” it growled in a deep voice. “I have caused every possible type of suffering. Suffering of infinite magnitude is burned into my memory for all eternity. Your magic has no effect on me.”

The Sorcerer was totally shocked and the dragon ate him.

The Mysterious Shadow Knight swiftly charged the dragon and cut at its underbelly with its sword, but his weapon just bounced off the dragon’s scales. The dragon casually swiped its claw knocking the Shadow Knight into a wall and causing the roof to cave in on him. While the Shadow Knight’s magic armor protected him from damage, he was pinned by the cave in. While this battle was going on, the Death Witch breathed in the violence, drawing power from it. She outstretched her hand and pointed it at the dragon, and tendrils of darkness coalesced around her fingers. The Dragon, sensing danger, breathed a stream of fire at the Witch, forcing her to go into darkness particle mode to evade the ten bazillion degree flames. As the dragon gave out a mighty roar and reveled in his victory, he reeled back upon realizing the hobo was next to him.

“No!” the dragon screeched. “Not hobos! My only weakness! Nooooooooo!”

The dragon fell, vanquished.

While it normally would have taken days of climbing to reach get back to the top of the pit, the Mysterious Shadow Knight made superhuman leaps allowing him to quickly cover the distance, and the Death Witch transformed into darkness particles and instantly materialized at the top of the pit.

“Now,” the announcer called out. “To determine the winner, our remaining contestants will fight to the death using violence!”

The crowd cheered for the insane amounts of violence.

The Mysterious Shadow Knight and the Death Witch faced each other. The Shadow Knight brought his sword up and moved forward to charge the Witch. However, the Shadow Knight didn’t have time to take even a single step, for in less than a split second the Death Witch’s curved knife flew into the air, she channeled streams of darkness from her hands into it, and a bolt of pure death shot out of the knife, hitting the Shadow Knight in the chest. He died instantly. The Death Witch’s eyes glowed purple, as she drew power from his death.

The hobo stood on the sidelines awkwardly while this all happened. The Death Witch, realizing he was still there, turned to face him. Once again, in less than a split second, The Death Witch channeled darkness into her floating blade and shot a projectile of pure death toward the hobo where it collided with the muffin that the hobo had flung into the air out from where it was hidden within his coak causing the projectile of pure death to bounce back at the Death Witch. She screamed as the projectile hit her and she got a taste of her own medicine. Which means that she died.

The announcer was shocked.

“Who...who are you?” he stuttered.

“Yep!” The hobo replied, throwing a Nuclear Generator at the ground to cover his escape.

While the crowd was blinded by the explosion (probably smashed by it too) the hobo disappeared.